New Year, New Resolution!

Another year is upon us. It is a time to set new goals and reflect the passing year. I have been doing a lot of reflection lately it seems.  This year has been over all a great year with lots of change. First of all, for the first time in my history, I actually completed last years resolution!!! Last year my husband, my best friend, and I, set a New Years resolution to quit smoking.  This had been my New Year's resolution for probably the last 8 or so years. I always started out with good intentions but never would make it very long.  This time I didnt begin strong on the 2nd, instead I put it off and finally on the 22nd put on the patch and finished strong.  I quit using the patch and it worked! Praise God I can report almost a year later that all three of us are non smokers now!!  Quitting smoking has always been an impossible task it seemed.  Everyone laughed at me last year for attempting another time to kick the habit, but this time by Gods grace I did it! And boy does it feel good.  I no longer stink.  I have money, and I can run up my stairs! Wooohooo, I am glad to be done with that dirty habit.

As happy as I am that I finally was successful at a New Years resolution it does pose a new problem, what in the world will this years goal be?? This time I had to come up with a new one and I had no clue what that would be.  I took the question to God.  What does He want me to work on this year?  His opinion is the one that matters.  I do not want to look at the world for goals, I want to look towards God.  He knows me better than anyone and knows what I need more than anything.  God being a faithful father answered me saying, "My child you are always so tired when I commanded you to rest.  Why don't you rest?"  

"Rest?? Really?  But God, I don't have time to rest" I argued back.  He then asked me when did His commandments become negotiable.  Hmmm, I never looked at it like that.  Keeping the Sabbath day holy was such an old testament concept I thought.  Don't misunderstand me, I know we are no longer under the law but now under grace but that also doesn't mean the law is not valid anymore.  The law is still valid and commanded today just as it was then, praise God we now have Grace for when we will fail! The law pointed us to our need of a Savior. Jesus said he came to fulfill the Law not do away with it. I still try and keep all other commandments now God is reminding me to keep His day holy.  Honestly, with all the commandments this is one that seems easiest, do-able, and most enjoyable, why don't I keep it? It pains me to say, but truthfully in my mind, I think the things I must get done are more important than Gods Holy commandment.  That is the plain ugly truth.  There is always something I need to do, somewhere I need to go, work that isn't finished, and so on. The last two years God showed me I needed to make sure and give Him time every day. Every day I need to feed my spirit with prayer and time in His word, this year God is asking for a entire day. When I look at ALL He has given me one day isn't asking much at all! And since He is God all knowing, He knows I am exhausted.  He knows I should be resting in Him.  Like any good parent puts their kids down for a nap I need to take one day and nap in my Fathers arms! All His commands were given for a reason and for our well being.  He knows this life can be tiring, hard, and draining at times so He commands rest.  

My New Years resolution this year is listening to God and keeping one day holy.  I heard a sermon on the radio about how to make sure you do all your cooking and cleaning etc the night before.  I am excited to give it a try and truly rest In Jesus on Sunday.  He is my father, my comfort, my Lord, and my friend.  I cant think of any other person I would rather devote a day to then Him.

God~

Thank you for being a caring father.  Thank you for loving me and adopting  me into your holy, righteous family.  Thank you for giving me your commands.  I know that you love me and they are best for me.  Lord you know what I need far above what I think I need.  Father, be with me this new year.  Help me honor you with all I do. Show me what this looks like keeping your day holy.  Lord help me grow deeper in love with you this year.  Thank you God for everything.

In Jesus precious name

Amen

Christmas Music

When I was a kid I hated Christmas songs! Stores would start their celebration in fall blaring the music from the loud speakers.  My mom like the stores, Loves Christmas music!  She loves Christmas in general.  Her house is always over decorated and blasting the tunes I despised so much.  She even has a clock that you can customize the way it chimes and tis the season it chimes "Silent Night."  Her joyfulness was not welcomed by me when I was younger.  I even remember one morning in my teenage years she was rocking out to her holly jolly tunes and cleaning, it was echoing throughout  the house while I was trying to sleep. This didn't go over well.  I woke up furious came flying out of my room, grabbed her cd out of the player and chucked it outside!  I was an angry teenager looking back.  Needless to say,  Christmas music and me didn't get along.

"For everyone who does evil hates the Light and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed!" (John 3:20) Back then, I didn't know that was what was going on.  I only knew I hated it. I hated anything that had to do with the Light.  Jesus birth is a time when the Light beams radiantly and I wanted to run away from anything pointing to it. Of course, now things are different.  I love the Light!  I want  to sing and dance praise songs to Jesus! I want to shout "Christmas is the birth of my Savior!" Its the beginning of the greatest miracle to EVER happen on earth!  It was the birth that lead to the death that lead to life! It doesn't matter what season of the year I cant help but praise God!

So, this year, I have been rocking the Christmas music!  I sing with my whole heart and soul, with hands lifted high in the air, Praising God for the miracle that brought this dead soul back to life!  I love that stores are playing songs to My King so early in the season! Its never too early to celebrate Jesus birth! This year my heart is filled with gladness.  Even if the stores are doing it for "commercial" purposes, I pray that someones heart can be changed because they heard the lyrics of Silent Night walking through Macy's, and then Mary did you Know at JC Penny's.  The stores being completely unaware that they are planting seeds for the great harvest!!

This year I pray Christmas music never gets old.  That I never get tired of hearing them play.  I pray that Christians use the music as a way to share the gospel.  I pray that unbelievers question why the music everyone knows inspires such joy in us, may they see its not just "another" Christmas song, it is Everything to us!  Its the miracle of Jesus birth we praise!!  My heart wants to flutter out of my chest because of the Joy God has given me.  I could write pages upon pages why this holiday I am overwhelmed with gladness but right now  I will just say "I LOVE CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!"

Holy Father,

Thank you soooo much God for your master plan to send your son to this earth as a baby.  Thank you Jesus for humbling yourself and coming to the earth you created to bring us life!  God this is a season of celebration to your Name!  I pray that the story never gets mundane or old Lord but every year, all year, I will dance with joy for what you did for me!! You are so unbelievably worthy of praise!

I love you with my whole heart,
Amen

Walking in the Wilderness

Before I became a christian I did a lot of wandering.  I was a "free" spirit I would proudly say.  I wandered aimlessly and found myself in all kinds of situations. Spontaneous was definitely a word used to describe me.  Every day was an adventure where I had no idea where it would lead.  My "free" spirit took me all over the  place such as, Washington, Oregon, California, and even Canada randomly.  I was free to drift wherever I chose.  Looking back I can see I wasn't free at all.  What I thought was freedom happened to be something keeping me in captivity. Truthfully, I had to keep moving.  I didn't like to settle down. I didn't want to find myself stuck somewhere for too long.  I didn't want anyone to get to know the real me.  So, off I would go from place to place making sure I never got to attached to any one place or any one person.  Freedom to me was not having to answer to anybody. It was not having strings attached.  Freedom was really isolation wrapped in pride.  Interesting how the devil deceived even my vocabulary.  And as for wandering or drifting by, I was actually lost.  I wasn't enjoying the thrill of the unknown.  I was scared and insecure. I was unsure of where I was or even who I was. I was a slave to sin, isolated and alone.  But one night when I had thought I lost myself completely, I cried out to God, and He answered!. He said he was the Way and that with Him I wouldn't be lost anymore.  He took me into his arms and held me.  It was the first relationship I didn't run away from. He gave me a new identity.  He told me who I was In Him, and how much He loved me. In His arms I felt safe, I was home. 

Five years later, He still holds me.  He wraps His arms around me and reminds me of His love.  No more being lost, I have truly been found.  Although these past few weeks I have felt like I have been wandering again.  It is a different feeling then it was back then.  I'm not sure how to describe it, all I know is I feel like I am wondering in the desert and its just me and God.  The wonderful difference between the lost I was then, and the wandering I am doing now, is Jesus! You see, He's not wandering with me, He's walking with me! I may feel disconnected, unsure of my surroundings, and maybe even scared at times, but Jesus is walking right next to me, guiding me, leading me, loving me, and revealing His truth to me.  This time with Jesus has been amazing.  God has taken me out (metaphorically speaking) of this world and put me into the desert to spend time with Him.  He made the chaos go away so I would intently listen to Him.  Not all that go into the wilderness or desert are lost.  In Matt 4:1 Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.  Crazy.  He was directed into the wilderness for a purpose; to be tempted by the devil.  I do not know if temptation by the devil is the reason I am in the desert but I can stand on the promise He has a purpose. It is preparation for His kingdom. God is growing, shaping and molding me and I cant wait to find out how I will be used to.  This time in the desert I have peace and will keep walking with Jesus.  He will one day lead me back into the world but for now I rest in His arms; My home.

Dear Father,

Thank you for finding me and giving me a new identity in you lord.  Thank you for giving me a home and for making a place for me in your Kingdom.  I praise you God.  Lord, as I have been walking in the wilderness lately, I thank you for walking every step with me.  Even though I dont know where I am going I can rest because you do.  Your Word tells me Not to lean on what I understand, but in All my ways acknowledge you and you will direct my paths.  Thank you Lord for that promise that I can claim.  Lord teach me, shape me, and mold me for whatever purpose you have for me that will bring you glory.  I only want to serve you Lord.  I trust you God and Love you.

Amen.

Transformers!

Transformers happens to be one of my favorite cartoons/ movies of all time.  I grew up watching them.  To this day I find my self daydreaming about how a specific car would "transform". I know this is silly but God gave me a wild imagination.  I love the idea as well.  Hero's in disguise.  During the day they blend into our world looking like all the others but they are not.  They are different.  They are special. They are Heros.

I have been talking to God a lot this week about being a new creation.  His word tells me that all things become new, the old is dead and gone.. Once we believe in/commit to Jesus and His Lordship we are new creations (Mark 8:34; 2 Corinthians 5:17).  We now have His Spirit living and breathing inside us!! Magnificent! If you looked at me 4 years ago this verse is 100% true.  I am DIFFERENT! Thank you Lord.  So why have I been going to God lately questioning it.  Well, I am a new creation, I know this, the Bible tells me so; however, my past is everywhere.  It seems quite a bit of people remember the "old" me very well.  And these stories make there way public.  This hurts me.  First I find it shameful. My past is nothing I want to remember.  I was talking to a friend the other night about this and she states when her past gets brought up she wants to hide.  She wants to physically clothe herself because she feels dirty.  I can relate completely to this.  I too want to hide.  My past was sin.  I was famous in my role as the "wild child" and "party girl" because for years that was my identity.  When I first cried out to God it was on my living room floor asking Him to "kill" the old me.  I hated who I had become.  But I didn't know how to be anyone else. God is faithful and that weekend I went to a church for the first time in 15 years and the sermon was how to bury the "old" us!! Wow! God spoke directly to me after I had walked away for so long! I recommitted my life to him and have not looked back.  And 4 years later I am truly a new creation.  

While I was in prayer the other day about this "transformation" concept with God He showed me two very important things.  First, He said look at the butterfly.  Every one knows it was once a caterpillar but that doesn’t change what it is today.  It will never go back to being a caterpillar, not after seeing how beautiful God had intended it to be. It is beautiful and free!  That's me!! I am beautiful because I am the way God intended me to be.  It doesnt matter that the world remembers the caterpiller me, it doesnt change what I am today.  In fact, me being that caterpillar made me into the butterfly.

The second thing at Bible study this week, still thinking about why the world seems to always bring up my past, God showed me His Truth.  I was thinking that since we are new creations it would be nice if God would give me a new body.  A new look. I truly wanted my past self to be dead.  I wanted all past ties severed. I never wanted to be remembered as the caterpillar. “But the Lord said to Samuel ‘Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature because I have rejected him; For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord  looks at the heart!’" (1 Samuel 16:7).  Again, could He have been any clearer to me?  God did change my look!!! He sees my heart! He promised me to remove my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26)!! And He did! When He looks at me He sees me as pure! Praise God! 

So God did transform me completely.  I once was a caterpillar, now a beautiful butterfly.  He once saw me with a heart of stone, now with a heart of flesh that longs to serve, worship, and honor Him!  That leaves me with a mission! I have to again not be ashamed of my old self but tell the world what is responsible for my change. The reason why I am not that way anymore. I am to stay in this world for now, looking like the others but truly not being of this world.  I am called to pray for the lost, love them as God loves them, and serve the way Jesus served us.  Christians need to be "Hero's in disguise!" 

Father,

Every time I call on You, You are so faithful to answer. I don’t understand it but praise You for it.  Thank You God.  Thank You that You made me beautiful.  That You transformed me! Thank You Lord for not just rescuing me from eternal damnation but for molding me.  Until the day I leave this world to be with You eternally, God help me to tell the world about Your transformation.  Help me God to show the world You through the way I love, serve, and pray.  Thank you Jesus for setting the example for me to follow.  I praise You every day and every moment.  

Love Always,

Your Butterfly

Humility

I haven't wrote anything in awhile.  I do not want to write on my own accord.  I want to wait and make sure God leads me to write what I post.  I am foolish in my own wisdom.  I need His guidance on what to talk about.  I want to be used by Him and for Him. I want this blog to be His blog.  I want Him to take over and type the words for me.  Only posting what he wants.  Only then will this blog mean anything.  


Last night during my talk with God I asked him why I haven't heard from him about what to write.  I reminded him how long it had been since we posted anything.  I even went as far as saying if we are going to do this God,  we need to be consistent. I know right, how dare I?  I went to the King of Kings telling, almost demanding, that He tell me what I should write about for His blog. And there it was. His voice loud and clear.  


"Tara, I didn't tell you to start this blog for YOUR glory!  It is all about me remember. I am the one your heart longs for, I am the one who gives you everything, I am the one that gives Life.  And I am the ONE the world needs to hear. Not you sweet child." 


I fell on my face and apologized.  I repented. How did I let this become about me?  God forgive me.  Forgive the pride in me.  Forgive the greed in me that wanted the credit. Forgive me Father for not putting you first.  God showed me in His infinite wisdom, through his silence, my flesh had taken control. And He cannot write what He wants to with my sinful flesh lurking.  What I thought I was writing for God, deep down turned into being all about me.  


I sat down to write today and I thought about writing all these wonderful things God is doing in my life, and he is doing amazing things all around me.  But that is not the story he wanted me to tell today.  He wanted to humble me. 


I am reminded of the bible study I just did about King Saul in 1st Samuel 15.  God commanded Saul after having him anointed by Samuel, to wipe out the Amalekites.  All of them down to the animals.  Well Saul did part of the job.  He killed everything but the best looking animals and the Amalekites king. It didn't appear to be wrong from the worlds view however, it was disobedience to God which is sin. Samuel confronted him saying“When you were little in your own eyes, were you not head of the tribes of Israel? And did not the LORD anoint you king over Israel?"   Samuel reminded him what God did when Saul was humble.


God, like Saul, told me what to do. Write for him.  I also like Saul, did part of the job.  And God reminded me to be little in my own eyes.  In Proverbs it says it is better to stay low and have someone lift you up than to be with kings and be told to step down.  In order for God to use me I need to remember who I really am.  And who God really is. He cannot use me if my pride and flesh take over. There is nothing I want more than to be an instrument for my maker. But while I am still stuck in this body I will struggle.  Key word: struggle.  I will not lay down and let my flesh take over.  I will fight it every day. I will war with my self to ensure that the Spirit is what leads me, guides me, and makes me live.  Not my flesh. With Jesus blood I will not be defeated for he said "IT IS FINISHED!" AMEN. We have victory because of Him, through Him. It is that promise I cling to.  It is his kindness that leads to repentance, and his grace and mercies that lead to life! 




Lord,


Merciful Father, Thank you.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for reminding me of who you are.  Thank you for calling me to be used by you when so often I mess up.  God it is solely by your grace that I live.  It is your grace I want the world to know.  God I am sorry for making this was about me.  Forgive me Lord.  As I walk forward in your grace and compassion help me stay low so you can lift me high.   Help me to be honest, humble, and true.  You are my everything.  


In Jesus name I pray,
Amen