I'm Sorry

I want to say I’m sorry.  I want to apologize to the gay community, to the divorcees, the drunks, the homeless, and to the ones hurting for not showing who Jesus really is. I watched a video this morning entitled “Why are Christians so….” The person typed this into Google and Google automatically populated the most popular searches.  Things such as “why are Christians so mean?” or “why are Christians so rude? Why are Christians so selfish?” I was heartbroken after watching. I went to the computer and tried this out for myself, and sure enough; the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. Lord, forgive us! I fell to my knees and cried to God.

The word Christian means “Christ like.” Therefore, we should be able to substitute that word for Christ and get an accurate picture of Jesus. Sadly, this is NOT the case. Jesus is NOT rude. Jesus is neither judgmental nor selfish. Jesus is the one who was spit on, beat, and falsely accused yet he remained silent.(MARK 14:61) He didn’t feel the need to defend, argue, or prove his point and if we are supposed to represent him shouldn’t we do the same?  Please hear my heart. I know we need to stand up for truth but we need to do it in love.  “By mercy and truth iniquity is purged” (Proverbs 16:6).  From the sounds of it, we have the truth part down, now we just need to work on mercy.  I know that I am guilty of this. Many times I come across harsh and my words are taken wrong. I used to think it’s the world’s problem for misunderstanding me, now I know that I am the one who will be held accountable for how my words come out, not them.   I will stand before God and give an account for all my words. Matthew 12:36-37 says by my words I will be justified or condemned that depends on me!  It’s not the words of the message that we need help with; its how we tell others this message.  Instead of holding signs that say God hates sin, we need to add, and that is why he died for it! He gave his life because what he hates is the separation sin causes. God loves us so much that he paid the ultimate price to free us from the thing that was keeping us away from him.  It is our job to show Gods love.

“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35) I was definitely convicted this morning and wanted to share with everyone. I want the world to know the same Jesus that I know. I want the world to know I belong to Him and the bible tells me the ONLY way is by love. Not by how much doctrine or theology I know, not by how little I sin, or how much I go to church but how much I love others!

Father~

Forgive me. Lord you are so good and have shown me grace and mercy that I don’t deserve. You love me even though time and time again I disappoint you. Father, help me love others. Help me not judge or condemn, help me not point my fingers but open my arms. The world doesn’t need me to tell them what they are doing wrong; they need to see your love and you have chosen me to show them that. Lord, help me show the most accurate picture of your love I possibly can. Father, unite your body and bring us back to where we should be. Bring us back to that place of helping the widows and feeding the poor. Lord, the world needs you; help us show that.  Thank you God for the ones that do love. Thank you for the ones that never gave up on me and prayed for me. Jesus thank you for dying for me. Thank you for modeling grace, mercy, and love so perfectly for us. We love because you first loved us. Thank you.

In your holy holy holy name,

Amen

Camping

This week my husband and I went camping with his dad. This was the first time I had met my father in law and the first time my husband had seen him in 17 years! It was a much anticipated trip. The only thing that hindered my excitement was the weather was forecasted to rain the entire time.  I was nervous about the meeting. Wondering if he would approve of who his son chose, wondering what qualities my husband inquired because of this man. My brain was going like always; full speed. His father surprised us early and came the night before the camping trip. It was a wonderful surprise! We talked, looked at pictures, and went out to dinner. I found, like my husband, his father was very easy going. He wasn’t full of words but when he would speak up it usually made me laugh. My husband got his brilliant sense of humor from his dad. I was taken back at how similar they looked. It was almost like I could see my husband in twenty years!

One of my favorite verses of the bible is 2 Cor 5:18 “And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation” This verse has held true in my life in many ways. God has restored us first to him, and then once we are restored to him, he works on restoring our family.  Family is important to God. This weekend was a great reminder that nothing is too big for Gods reconciliation. Sometimes we may think there is too much damage done, or too much time, or the hurt is too deep but no damage was worse, or hurt more than God when we as mankind, walked away from him. It took his son, Jesus, dying on the cross to bridge that gap and bring us to reconciliation. If that wounded relationship can be made whole, I am convinced that any relationship on this earth can also be made complete. It has been remarkable watching God continually work this out in my life.

Camping was wet; very wet. The weather man was accurate and it rained, but the only thing the weather dampened was the ground. Our moods were great as our hearts were being reunited in relationship with family. It was remarkable weekend filled with laughter, God, and reconciliation. Thank you Lord!

Rest!

Rest; a dream I used to dream of; yet a reality I didn’t understand.  I am used to life being very busy. I work part time, I am a full time student, I also volunteer at my church, and of course take care of things at home. I would fantasize for years about what life would be like to just rest.  I would imagine doing nothing or going on long walks. I loved the idea of not having homework stressing me out and deadlines to meet but to just Live. Well, as it turns out God granted me that wish. He gave me the summer off of school so now I just work three days a week. Long before the school semester ended I felt God calling me to rest. He was clear with it as he usually is when he asks me to do something. I thought this was a wonderful idea ……at first.

The first week was great. I cleaned my house, read my bible, caught up with old friends. I enjoyed my week. The second week however was a little different. Cleaned my house, read my bible, most my friends were working, did some errands, went to moms, and got it all accomplished Tuesday before noon. Day two of the second week and I was ready to lose it. I was restless. A funny thing happens when your brain has nothing to stress about, it stresses about the lack of stress. I know this seems crazy but it’s true. I was going bananas!! Consequently I hurried on to the computer to see if I still had time to register for summer classes. I had to fix this problem. There was just no way I could not do anything for three months!! As I sat and logged in to the school site God gently asked me “Tara, what are you doing? This looks an awful lot like your taking matters into your own hands as you normally do, and not trusting me.”  Yep! I thought. That’s exactly what I was doing. God, you know my mind and I can’t handle doing nothing.  Except he didn’t ask me to not do anything this summer he asked me to rest. AAAAAHHHH Lord what does that look like? As I mentioned above, I am used to go go go, rest is such a foreign word to me. If God wants me to rest I need him to show me what that looks like. So instead of registering for school I prayed. I prayed a lot.

The next day a dear friend posted a blog about resting. Thank you lord!! She said rest comes from being in His presence! Just like that, God showed me what rest looks like. God isn’t asking me not do anything this summer, he is asking me to spend more time (just me and him) in his presence. In His throne room. And what an honor!! Through his son Jesus Christ I have unlimited access to the throne room.  He showed me that with my busy life I can often miss things. I’m too busy running to see him in everything but he’s there. He is omnipotent aka all over, before time, after time, beginning to the end, God is present.  He is calling me to pay attention. To rest in His presence. To enjoy His presence. To listen instead of always talking. The truth; he loves me so much he is asking to bring me closer to him this summer! What an amazing revelation!!! And to think, I almost missed it by registering for school. 

“Be still and know that I am God” psalms 46:10.  I know that he is God, but during this time God is saying to me, “My child, truly get to KNOW me, who I am. Spend time with me! It will change your life forever.”

God~

Thank you! Thank you for your wisdom spoken through a friend. Thank you for answering prayer and confirming your will towards us. I know how feeble minded I am and I love how you just gently remind me time after time. Thank you for your patience with me. Lord as your showing me to enjoy and rest in your presence I pray for a new experience with you. Help me to grow so close to you. Help me to feel your heart beat. Lord, slow my mind down to where I only hear you and your will. Help me to lay my life down so that you can dwell within me. Thank you again father for Jesus precious Blood which makes this all possible. I love you lord!

Amen

The Sheriff and I

As I was driving to work this morning I had a sheriff follow me. Instantly I am aware of his presence and my anxiety rises. He slowly backs off to run my plates per protocol.  My heart is pounding so hard you could probably hear it over the stereo.  Fear comes over me as I play ever possible scenario for him to pull me over. Finally as I near work he turns off and I let out a long sigh. I release all the breath I just held for five miles. You see, I just got my license about eight months ago. I had spent fifteen years driving with no privileges; I am sadly very aware of the routine. I’m familiar with what it’s like when I see the lights flip on and I have to pull over.  The cop approaches the car and asks for the usual: license, insurance and registration. On a good day, I would at least have the registration but most times I didn’t have any of the qualifications needed to be out driving on the road, and I would face the consequences. This happened all too often and instead of me getting a license, I would just try be a better driver. I figured if I always used my blinker, went the speed limit, followed all laws of the road, I would be in the clear; however no one can follow ALL the rules ALL the time and there would be little slips. These slips always seemed to happen with a cop behind me and the drill would repeat.  

                As I mentioned though, eight months ago I did finally get my license and insurance!!! Praise the Lord!!! God stopped me through a series of events as he usually does. I had quite a bit of garbage I had to clear up from my past before I could get it but he walked with me and in the end I am officially authorized to be on the road!!! This was a huge accomplishment for me.

                So, why the fear still? Why does my heart stop when a law enforcement officer is anywhere in my premise? I prayed about it and God showed me. “My child; you’re the only one who still sees the old you.” I thought about that for a minute. If a person pulled behind me what would they see? Well, I have pink license plate cover that states boldly “Gods Girl”, I have on my rear window a decal that says “everyone that has breath let them praise the Lord.”  I’m blasting worship music from my stereo; this scenario probably doesn’t reflect that of a trouble maker.  When the cops run my plates they see a registered car and a licensed driver! Looking at my car they see someone devoted to serving God. This is how they see me; unfortunately I remember who I was. I remember the old scenario I played for you. I remember who I was before God rescued me and I fear that they can see that person too. “Therefore if any man be In Christ he is a new creation; all things have passed away; behold ALL things become New!” (2cor 5:17)  The sheriff behind me this morning saw the New me, not the old sinner but the new saint! He didn’t look on someone struggling with bondage; instead he was following someone who has been set free by God!

                God has called me to walk in that freedom. He doesn’t want me to keep beating myself up for the sins my old nature committed but to remind the enemy that they are covered under His Sons blood! When the devil brings up old situations such as this morning, I can boldly remind him it’s not going to turn out like it used to. I am a new saint not the old sinner anymore!!!!  

Lord~

Thank you for your truth! Thank you for showing me who I am in you. Thank you lord for restoring me and setting me free from the bondage. Lord when I see those old chains help me to remember I’m not in them anymore. They have no power over me. The blood of your precious Son paid the price for all my sins and I can rest knowing I am free! I am a new creation and I need to see me the way you see me lord. Help me with that. Help me rest in you. I love you so much God and thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Thank you for your grace Father. Let my life be a reflection of my gratitude.

In Jesus precious name

Amen!

He is My Shelter

This is my dog Buster. I love him so much and he brings much joy to life. He also can be a huge pain in my behind, but none the less he is worth it.   No matter what he is always happy and most times hyper. It only takes five minutes of fetch to make his day.  Buster is usually at my side. He goes with me in the car to various places. We love to go for walks together. He snuggles up with me when we watch movies. He is a great companion and friend.

                This weekend something scared Buster pretty bad. He is a very little dog, only weighing 9 lbs, so it doesn’t take much to scare him. Most things that scare him he gets over quick but this time he was pretty freaked out. He ran to my side and clung there.  He was so determined to be as close to me as possible I pretty much had to pick him up because I kept tripping over him.  In his eyes, I was his safety.  He didn’t run somewhere to hide or to protect himself instead he ran to someone. He ran to me.  

                When I am scared where is it that I run? Do I look to a shelter for protection somewhere? Do I run to others?  Or do I run to safety?  My dog knew without a doubt that I would protect him. Do I trust without a doubt that God will do the same for me? So many times I run for a shelter when Gods word tells me He IS my shelter.  I pray, God show me where I will be safe and He answers, I AM your safety. Lord, where can I hide? He says He IS my hiding place and will protect me. (Psalm 32:7) It is not a place but a person that will keep me safe. It’s not about knowing where to go, it’s about knowing Him.  When life comes at me fast and jolts me, the first place I need to run is to God.  Life is filled with unknowns. I don’t know how situations are going to turn out. I get scared easy.  God tells me to rest IN Him.  He tells me He will guard me.  The way my puppy clings to me is an example of the way I need to cling to my owner. He holds the universe together; He is more than qualified to hold me together. Thank you Lord!!

Looking Back

A few years ago to the day I went through the hardest trial of my life to date.  One that shook so hard at my core I wanted to die. Psychologists diagnosed me as officially traumatized.  It was terrible and a true test of faith. Now, I’m not saying my faith was being tested because I can assure you I would’ve failed. I didn’t have faith at that time.  I was a Christian and I knew God however, this event was either going to make my faith that much stronger or I was going to walk away from God all together.  I was so upset with Him because I knew that all my days are ordained by Him therefore; He saw this catastrophe coming and didn’t stop it. I also knew that He was the only one who could restore me. He was the only one who could heal me. My emotions were very conflicting. When a person is that broken the only thing one could do was cling to the bible. I couldn’t sleep so I would read my bible; I took my bible to work, every available moment I was reading that book. I couldn’t be left alone with my own thoughts and imagination. I had to fill every space of my brain with Gods word.  I cried, I yelled, I hurt but I knew if God loved me like my head understood, like his word says, He would make it right. His word promises that He will work out all things for the good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). That was me.  I desperately needed this to be true.

Well, one day during this trauma, I was driving over a hill going 70 mph when I thought how easy it would be to slightly turn my wheel and off the cliff I would go. Problem solved.  I could take my hands off the wheel and look towards the heavens where I could soon be. God however, gave me a vision instead. He showed me the wreck; I saw the fireman and police investigating the accident. They were easily able to determine it was self inflicted. I also saw Him. Jesus, my sweet and precious friend.  He met me and held me in His arms so tight as I looked down at the damage I caused. I remember I could feel His heart and my heart beating together in unison. He looked at me with the softest eyes I had ever seen. He understood my hurt. Jesus knows hurt. He was beaten and betrayed by the people He loved so much He died for. Jesus weeps. (John 11:35) I felt so safe and loved in His arms. He then spoke the words I didn’t want to hear. “You have to go back.” Please no! I begged Him to let me stay with Him. “I promise everything will be ok.” He replied and at that point I snapped back to reality. I was over the hill now and about to arrive safely at my destination. I hadn’t thought about this in the last two years but yesterday it was all I could think about.  I spent the day reflecting over the journey. I spent the day in awe of what God has done to restore me in such a short time.  He has healed me as His word said He would.  Not only that, He truly has given me life more abundantly than I ever thought possible!  Many tears were shed yesterday because I KNOW His love. I have witnessed it firsthand.  

I still sometimes look at the scars of that event and can feel the pain but, God reminds me not to look at the hurt instead to look at His love. I would never want to go through it again but honestly, I am so thankful for it. I truly know what it feels like to be carried in Jesus pierced hands; to be held by His love. God does keep His promises. Every word in the Bible is true and steadfast.  This is hard for me to write especially knowing everyone can read it, but I want to give hope to anyone going through a challenging time.  I think about that vision and at the time, I wouldn’t have believed where He was going to take me. I wouldn’t have thought for a moment I would be where I am in such a short time. God sincerely is the God of miracles and at any time He can open the sky and rescue you.  Don’t lose hope. Cling to His word and His people. He carries His children and one day you can look back and see that His promises held true.  This was a test of faith and I praise God because my walk with the Lord is now so personal and intimate. He is genuinely the lover of my soul! And for that…. It was worth it.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness has been on my heart lately.  It is a key concept in my walk with Jesus. His forgiveness is the base of salvation.  I have been brought to tears many times this week thinking of all the offenses I have committed against Him and all the times His blood has counted me forgiven! Wow! Not just forgiven but righteous! His word says justified (Romans 5:9) Justified = just as if I hadn’t sinned! Forgiveness is everything. It is the core of the Gospel.

                You see I know who I was before Jesus. I was a drunk, home wrecker, druggie, lost, blind, decaying soul. I was totally in the darkness.  I was going full speed headed straight into the pit of hell. Then Jesus, aw precious Jesus, heard my cries.  He came down and picked me up. He held me in His mighty arms and breathed life back into my nostrils. He took my heart of stone and put in His heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26) He forgave me.  I know how much I desperately needed His forgiveness. I saw how Holy and Righteous He is and I saw how much I needed Him. He saved my life! I can never forget where I came from. If I forget where I was, then it makes it easy to judge others who are there.   How could I ever judge someone who is in chains to drugs when that was once me? I must always remember that it’s by Gods grace and mercy I am free from those chains that once entangled me.  Not only am I now free but I am called to help free others! “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.” (Luke 4:18)   What an amazing task that God is calling me to do. Everyone knows what the Bible says about judging others, even none Christians know that verse, but unless I know where I came from, who saved me, and why I am saved, than I can’t be free from criticizing others.

                The Bible says forgive others as Christ has forgiven me. (Matt 6:14) it isn’t until I understand how Jesus has forgiven me am I able to forgive others.  So again, the answer is found at the cross! The precious cross.  When I struggle with forgiving someone I need to go before the cross.  I need to remember who I was, who He is, and what my purpose is!

Jesus~

Dear Lord, Thank you!! I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am for your forgiveness Father. I know I deserve death by sinning against you and your commandments but your blood paid the price I could never pay.  Thank you Jesus for your obedience unto death! Lord, help me when I struggle to forgive others.  Father, I know you want me to show them your love and I mess that up when I hold onto bitterness. Forgive me. Please help me to always keep my purpose in front of my sights. Help me to always see the cross before everything. Thank you Lord for allowing me to go and share this great news with others. Help me to not mess it up. I love you Father!

In Jesus Name

Amen.