“Ya right, Tara goes to church and found God???” Five years ago these words were spoken about me to a friend. I had just started going to church and it really bothered my friend that someone said that to her. To me it seemed like a logical question; even I couldn’t understand it then. Last night I was with that same friend that it bothered, and this was mentioned in our conversation. It brought tears to my eyes thinking about it. Yep, even me, Jesus saved someone like me.
Let me take you back five years ago to help you understand why someone could say something like that. I was known as “the party.” Many people knew that I was all about painting the town red. Sex, drugs and rock and roll right? This is what I grew up hearing all over the media and this is what became important to me. I became a professional. I could out drink most the guys I knew. Looking on the outside I was fun, free, and popular, but on the inside only I knew the truth; I was hurting, lonely, and completely lost. It was becoming more and more clear that I was only destroying myself when every morning I was waking up hung-over. I could feel God starting to nudge me but I didn’t know anything about God or church. I hadn’t walked into a church since I was a child. I began asking friends if they believed in God or went to church. Of course, my faithful friend, the one mentioned above, answered with yes. Well at this point I knew God was the answer and I even knew where to find him, but it took some more falling before I would actually call on him. The night I cried out to God I remember plainly. It was probably around four in the morning, the party was over, and I was feeling the effects of coming down off the nights “recreations.” I was sitting in the middle of the floor crying in pain. I knew if I kept going this way, I would die but I didn’t know how to stop. I asked God please kill the old me, let me start over. That was on a Friday. Sunday I went to church and I kid you not the sermon was on killing our old flesh and being made new in Christ!!! I was totally freaked out that my exact question was answered exactly by God! I turned my life over at that moment. It was just what I needed. Needless to say not everyone understood or believed that someone “like me” could find God. I certainly wasn’t “church material.”
It makes me cry even as I write this knowing that the God who made the stars pursued me. He loves me. He died for me. He made me new! He kept his promise to me that day and every day since. With His help and by His mercy the old me is dead. (2 Cor 5:17) I understand where that person was coming from when they said that, its craziness to think that God loved someone like me, but that’s just it, He does! I don’t understand it but am so grateful for it. No one is too far gone. No one is too dirty for God to clean or too sinful for God to make righteous! I started reading my bible and learning scripture like “I didn’t come for the healthy, I came for the sick” Jesus says in Mark. Or the fact that Moses who wrote down and gave the Ten Commandments, murdered someone before God called Him. David, who is called “a man after Gods heart” committed adultery. God loves everyone and can save anyone. His love is so grand He sent His son to die so that we might know Him. He can even use people like me, an old druggie/drunk/home wrecker who cried out in desperation. His word says He only needs a broken and contrite heart (Psalms 51:15)
To my friend who couldn’t believe I found God, I didn’t find Him, He found me. I love God because He first loved me! Five years later, I am serving Him with my whole heart. I stumble and miss the mark sometimes but God is faithful to complete the work He started in me!(Phil 1:6)
Lord~
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving me. Thank you for redeeming and restoring me. I remember that person as many others do, but your word tells me you threw my sins away as far as the east is to the west. Thank you Father. Thank you for giving me New life IN you! God help me share this message. Help me tell my testimony to the lost and hurting; the ones who might think that they are too messed up for your grace. Lord, I know that your grace is sufficient. Father, thank you for all you do and are doing in my life. I truly love you.
In your son’s name I pray,
Amen