Walking in the Wilderness

Before I became a christian I did a lot of wandering.  I was a "free" spirit I would proudly say.  I wandered aimlessly and found myself in all kinds of situations. Spontaneous was definitely a word used to describe me.  Every day was an adventure where I had no idea where it would lead.  My "free" spirit took me all over the  place such as, Washington, Oregon, California, and even Canada randomly.  I was free to drift wherever I chose.  Looking back I can see I wasn't free at all.  What I thought was freedom happened to be something keeping me in captivity. Truthfully, I had to keep moving.  I didn't like to settle down. I didn't want to find myself stuck somewhere for too long.  I didn't want anyone to get to know the real me.  So, off I would go from place to place making sure I never got to attached to any one place or any one person.  Freedom to me was not having to answer to anybody. It was not having strings attached.  Freedom was really isolation wrapped in pride.  Interesting how the devil deceived even my vocabulary.  And as for wandering or drifting by, I was actually lost.  I wasn't enjoying the thrill of the unknown.  I was scared and insecure. I was unsure of where I was or even who I was. I was a slave to sin, isolated and alone.  But one night when I had thought I lost myself completely, I cried out to God, and He answered!. He said he was the Way and that with Him I wouldn't be lost anymore.  He took me into his arms and held me.  It was the first relationship I didn't run away from. He gave me a new identity.  He told me who I was In Him, and how much He loved me. In His arms I felt safe, I was home. 

Five years later, He still holds me.  He wraps His arms around me and reminds me of His love.  No more being lost, I have truly been found.  Although these past few weeks I have felt like I have been wandering again.  It is a different feeling then it was back then.  I'm not sure how to describe it, all I know is I feel like I am wondering in the desert and its just me and God.  The wonderful difference between the lost I was then, and the wandering I am doing now, is Jesus! You see, He's not wandering with me, He's walking with me! I may feel disconnected, unsure of my surroundings, and maybe even scared at times, but Jesus is walking right next to me, guiding me, leading me, loving me, and revealing His truth to me.  This time with Jesus has been amazing.  God has taken me out (metaphorically speaking) of this world and put me into the desert to spend time with Him.  He made the chaos go away so I would intently listen to Him.  Not all that go into the wilderness or desert are lost.  In Matt 4:1 Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.  Crazy.  He was directed into the wilderness for a purpose; to be tempted by the devil.  I do not know if temptation by the devil is the reason I am in the desert but I can stand on the promise He has a purpose. It is preparation for His kingdom. God is growing, shaping and molding me and I cant wait to find out how I will be used to.  This time in the desert I have peace and will keep walking with Jesus.  He will one day lead me back into the world but for now I rest in His arms; My home.

Dear Father,

Thank you for finding me and giving me a new identity in you lord.  Thank you for giving me a home and for making a place for me in your Kingdom.  I praise you God.  Lord, as I have been walking in the wilderness lately, I thank you for walking every step with me.  Even though I dont know where I am going I can rest because you do.  Your Word tells me Not to lean on what I understand, but in All my ways acknowledge you and you will direct my paths.  Thank you Lord for that promise that I can claim.  Lord teach me, shape me, and mold me for whatever purpose you have for me that will bring you glory.  I only want to serve you Lord.  I trust you God and Love you.

Amen.