Humility

I haven't wrote anything in awhile.  I do not want to write on my own accord.  I want to wait and make sure God leads me to write what I post.  I am foolish in my own wisdom.  I need His guidance on what to talk about.  I want to be used by Him and for Him. I want this blog to be His blog.  I want Him to take over and type the words for me.  Only posting what he wants.  Only then will this blog mean anything.  


Last night during my talk with God I asked him why I haven't heard from him about what to write.  I reminded him how long it had been since we posted anything.  I even went as far as saying if we are going to do this God,  we need to be consistent. I know right, how dare I?  I went to the King of Kings telling, almost demanding, that He tell me what I should write about for His blog. And there it was. His voice loud and clear.  


"Tara, I didn't tell you to start this blog for YOUR glory!  It is all about me remember. I am the one your heart longs for, I am the one who gives you everything, I am the one that gives Life.  And I am the ONE the world needs to hear. Not you sweet child." 


I fell on my face and apologized.  I repented. How did I let this become about me?  God forgive me.  Forgive the pride in me.  Forgive the greed in me that wanted the credit. Forgive me Father for not putting you first.  God showed me in His infinite wisdom, through his silence, my flesh had taken control. And He cannot write what He wants to with my sinful flesh lurking.  What I thought I was writing for God, deep down turned into being all about me.  


I sat down to write today and I thought about writing all these wonderful things God is doing in my life, and he is doing amazing things all around me.  But that is not the story he wanted me to tell today.  He wanted to humble me. 


I am reminded of the bible study I just did about King Saul in 1st Samuel 15.  God commanded Saul after having him anointed by Samuel, to wipe out the Amalekites.  All of them down to the animals.  Well Saul did part of the job.  He killed everything but the best looking animals and the Amalekites king. It didn't appear to be wrong from the worlds view however, it was disobedience to God which is sin. Samuel confronted him saying“When you were little in your own eyes, were you not head of the tribes of Israel? And did not the LORD anoint you king over Israel?"   Samuel reminded him what God did when Saul was humble.


God, like Saul, told me what to do. Write for him.  I also like Saul, did part of the job.  And God reminded me to be little in my own eyes.  In Proverbs it says it is better to stay low and have someone lift you up than to be with kings and be told to step down.  In order for God to use me I need to remember who I really am.  And who God really is. He cannot use me if my pride and flesh take over. There is nothing I want more than to be an instrument for my maker. But while I am still stuck in this body I will struggle.  Key word: struggle.  I will not lay down and let my flesh take over.  I will fight it every day. I will war with my self to ensure that the Spirit is what leads me, guides me, and makes me live.  Not my flesh. With Jesus blood I will not be defeated for he said "IT IS FINISHED!" AMEN. We have victory because of Him, through Him. It is that promise I cling to.  It is his kindness that leads to repentance, and his grace and mercies that lead to life! 




Lord,


Merciful Father, Thank you.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for reminding me of who you are.  Thank you for calling me to be used by you when so often I mess up.  God it is solely by your grace that I live.  It is your grace I want the world to know.  God I am sorry for making this was about me.  Forgive me Lord.  As I walk forward in your grace and compassion help me stay low so you can lift me high.   Help me to be honest, humble, and true.  You are my everything.  


In Jesus name I pray,
Amen