Word!

My husband asked me the other night why I gave up on writing my blog. (My biggest fan missed me) and I had to really think about it. I wasn’t really sure why I stopped. I wasn’t busy, I did have time, and I couldn’t give him an answer right away. So, I sat down this morning to write and it hit me. My brain is so flooded with thoughts that getting them down on paper sometimes seems like an impossible task. I have the intentions to write one thing, then after a long trail down the rabbit hole, I drift back. My thoughts are scattered. And it is not just scattered thoughts, but something happens when my thoughts are put in print. Even when I watch and type carefully my words can be misread, misinterpreted, and misunderstood.

This happened recently and it really hurt my feelings. My first response was, they should know me better and should know my heart behind it. I wanted to write back immediately and defend my statement. Defend what I was trying to say but the Lord gently said “Tara Stop.”  So I went to the place where I can truly pour out my heart to God, (the shower) and cried. I cried because I was hurt, because I was mad, because I didn’t understand. My shower time with God is truly my favorite. I take a lot of showers for this reason and anyone who is close to me knows this. Although, now, so do all of you. Maybe it’s because its quiet, maybe it’s because I’m totally vulnerable, maybe it’s just the refreshing hot water, but it’s there I can clearly hear God.  And I did. I realized that so much of the church is divided and I certainly didn’t want to cause separation. I realized that in the big picture this wasn’t something worth arguing over. I knew my point on the topic and now I know my friends. Praise God.

The other thing He revealed to me is words; as I mentioned something happens when words hit print. Almost every person I know has either read someone’s text, or had their text misinterpreted. Even with scripture people interpret it different and thus division happens. In order to know what I meant by my post my friend would need to talk to me in person. In order to know what Gods word means, I need to hear from Him personally.  This has to be done by spending time with each other. When God reveals something to me personally, it’s not up for debate.  Words are powerful. The bible says we will give account for every idol word we speak. (Matthew 12:36)  it’s not just my job to make sure I listen and read with understanding, I need to make sure I talk and type, or print with this in mind as well. And most importantly…DON’T FORSAKE THE GATHERING OF THE BODY. Both with each other and with Jesus, our sweet sweet friend!

Back to Worship

Lately, I have been in absolute awe of God. Who He is? His character, His love, His majesty. You could say smitten by him. The other day I was supposed to be putting away laundry in the bedroom, a task I disdain, when suddenly God put a song in my heart I hadn’t heard for awhile.  The song is “Your Love is Extravagant” In that moment I stopped putting clothes away and looked the song up on my phone. I closed my eyes and started spending time with my Lord.  I was transported from my bedroom into Gods secret pavilion. God’s love and peace completely flooded me. Next thing I know my husband interrupts wondering what I was doing since it wasn’t laundry.  God knew though that it was exactly what I needed.

Recently it has felt like that intimacy was starting to go stale. I was still reading my bible, still very active in church and seeking God. I would go to church and sing the songs but something just wasn’t clicking. I wasn’t even aware this was a problem I was just going through the motions. That night God basically slow danced with me. He brought me back to the heart of worship; to that place of just “us”.  

Worship, true worship has been on my heart ever since. I don’t have to be at church to sing to the Lord. His word says He inhabits the praises of His people. (Psalm 22:3) its not just about singing a song. Praising God through song does something to your heart. The angels surround the throne singing “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God almighty” I could quote ample bible verses supporting this theory but the truth is you have to experience it for yourself to understand. There is no way to describe the feeling that comes over you, it’s supernatural. It’s spiritual.

I have a friend who would support me 100% on this. He was recently in a snowboarding accident which left him paralyzed from his waist down. He wrote describing the accident and what had happened.  He describes the sheer terror that came over him when he realized he couldn’t feel his legs. He frantically asked everyone that was surrounding him to pray. As he states, “All of a sudden my friends started worshiping. At that moment Jesus showed up and changed everything about how I was feeling” (V) basically he went from pure despair to peace because Jesus showed up.  Jesus inhabited the praises of His people. Wow, this is powerful stuff!! My friend is still paralyzed but He has a joy that no one person or circumstance can rob from him and he is still praising. 

And let us not forget it was when Paul and Silas were singing when the Lord brought forth an earthquake that freed them from the prison. (Acts 16:25-27) It was during worship the lord again showed up tremendously!

So, with this on my heart, I just want to pass on the message. I have been a Christian for awhile now and am just recently coming to see how powerful this tool is. When life is hard it is difficult to sing, but I challenge you to try it. God works in our hearts in amazing ways.  The next time you are struggling to find joy start singing. See what God can do through your praises. 

Your Love is Extravagant

Casting Crowns

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend

Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

Relapse

Relapse is part of recovery. I remember hearing that a long time ago thinking “what?” if you’re going to relapse what’s the point. There has to be a way to just stop. It wasn’t until I was introduced to Jesus did I see that HE is the only way this is possible. You see, when I came to know Jesus and truly surrender my life to him, I started taking his word as literal and truth.  It tells me that if anyone is in Christ he is brand New (2 cor 5:17) In Ephesians we are told to put off the old man with his deeds. (Ephesians 4:22)  One of my favorite bible verses says, “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage!” (Galatians 5:1) The bible tells me that Jesus frees us and even warns us not to go back into the bondage we were once slaves to.  

My heart has been so heavy regarding this topic for awhile now. I’ve been wrestling with God about it; taking my questions and concerns before the throne. If Gods word says we are set free, why are so many people relapsing?  If Gods word tells us to put off the old man; wouldn’t He equip us to do that? I was wresting because Gods word and life just wasn’t syncing up in this situation.  God does promise in His word he will protect us, ” There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (1 cor 10:13) So, what is going on??

God showed me two things. One Satan is alive and well, the second, we don’t realize it. We listen to the warning but we don’t really take heed. We have heard there is a battle for our souls but since it’s not physical we have a hard time comprehending it.  The bible says several times in different ways, wake up, and watch out, stay sober, we are at war and your enemy is seeking to kill you!  It says He’s like a roaring lion looking to devour (1peter 5:8) This is scary. If we are off guard’ or “sleeping”, we can easily become prey.  We need to wake up and realize the battle is real.

The great news, the best news, the battle is already won! Jesus Christ wins! He is mightier than the Devil, and His Spirit lives in us!! We are more than able to withstand the enemy’s attacks because we have Jesus. We don’t have to say things like “relapse is part of recovery” We get to stand firm on the Truth that we are a new creation! That Jesus, when we are tempted, will make a way for us to escape it. Yes, we will be tempted, Jesus was tempted, and there will be hard days but God really is big enough to carry you through! He Promises. I have to believe that what He promises, He keeps!  Thank you Lord! I wrote this poem this morning when talking to God,

The devil whispers “take a chance, one more time, and one last dance.”

He sees your weak; he sees it in your eyes,

And you forget that he is the father of lies.

 His lies sound sweet, he makes a point.

What will it hurt to smoke one little joint.

To take that pill or have a shot,

 You tell yourself, I just won’t get caught.

Well it turns out just one didn’t do,

You up the dose;  it now controls you.

 Again in bondage, how can this be?

 Not long ago, Jesus set you free.  

He picked you up from the mire and clay.

Put a song in your heart, and a joy to proclaim.

Why didn’t you listen, why weren’t you prepared?

To rebuke the lies the devil had shared.

Others had warned you, Satan is real;

 You read in God’s word, he’s looking to kill.

Now you believe, and you know it’s true.

Satan has tried destroying you.

 God’s heart is broken that you turned away,

 But his arms are open, just run back his way.  

His way is pure, He’s righteous and light.

 He is love, and joy and fighting the fight.

We’re in a war, the side you get to choose.

Gods side, you’re a conqueror; Satan’s side, you lose!

The Truth

This week I learned the truth about something. It was extremely painful for me to hear and even harder for me to try to understand. It was the kind of truth that sent me straight to the cross. I ran into Jesus arms crying. I wept at the foot of the cross trying to understand the truth that just changed my reality.  At first, all I could do was cry with Jesus. I told him how much it hurt, how it wasn’t fair. I sat there in his presence for a long time just needing to be held. Jesus sent many of His people to speak His love into my life. He sent His angels to protect me. He allowed me to cry, but then I heard Him speak, “Tara, it was still the truth even if you hadn’t heard it.”  This statement has been my focus for a few days now.

The truth is the truth whether I know it or not.  It isn’t the truth that hurts us. Jesus says the Truth will set us free; it’s realizing that we were previously deceived. The reality is I like to not know. I think society can be that way as well; hence the saying ignorance is bliss. I can almost prefer to keep my eyes closed. The problem with that is; Jesus is truth. When I keep my eyes closed I don’t see what Jesus is doing.  When I pray and say things like whatever your will Jesus, I have to be ready to handle the truth He shows me. Regardless. God loves me so much He allowed me to see the Truth.

He also showed me that once the truth is revealed, God can work.  I’ve seen many people hurt because they discovered the truth and at that point they walk away from God.  Please don’t walk away from God when He shows you something. No matter how painful because once the DR reveals the condition; He can heal it!  Just like when the Lord first shows us our condition without him. When he first brought into light what a sinner I was and how desperate I was for Him, it was rough.  I certainly didn’t want to face it. So, I didn’t for awhile, probably about a year, but then when I finally accepted it, God started healing me.  In actuality; I was filthy whether God showed me or not but His love is so great that He brought it to light. He then began cleaning me up and sanctifying me.  What a beautiful process. Who I am today is solely because I finally came to a place and accepted Truth. I would’ve never thought six years later I would be where I am. I know that while this new truth I discovered hurts now, I can’t wait to see the end product. To see how the Great Almighty God cleans it up and heals it.

God~

Thank you for your Truth. Thank you that you love me enough to reveal truth to.  You are a mighty gracious, merciful God. Lord, even though this hurts now I know there will be joy in the morning. You promise. Lord, help me to never fear hearing your truth. Thank you for this chance to again rely completely on you. I love how close you are to me in storms. Jesus, thank you for being Truth.  Thank you for always answering prayer and for your Love. Thank you that your ways and thoughts are higher than mine always. I will always put my trust in you and love you for always.

In Jesus precious name

Amen.

Back to School

Whew, school is back in session. Busy, busy, busy. I took the summer off and am exhausted trying to get back in the habit of go go going. Between working, school, and church my days are jam packed. The first day back in school wasn’t the best for me.  I am taking math which starts at 7 am; not the best decision on my part, so my morning started off earlier than I am used to. I jump started it when I realized I lost my parking pass; A must have if you want any chance of finding a parking place. I ran out the door early so that I could find a parking spot only to forget my swim suit that I needed for water aerobics. I had to turn and go back around defeating the whole purpose of leaving early.  Things only continued down this crazy chaotic path for the remainder of that day. I had wardrobe malfunction when my back pack grabbed part of my dress exposing me. Thankfully I caught on before anyone else did, and of course my days wouldn’t be complete without me clumsily hurting myself. I was running out of the building at a remarkable speed pushed on a door clearly marked pull only to meet it dead head on; with witnesses I must add. At this point I started laughing thinking that this would make a great sitcom. Yep my first day was AWESOME.  :-/

The next day was very similar, but without the comedic relief. I was under slept and over whelmed. I wanted to cry. I wasn’t sure if I could handle the class load I set up for myself this semester. I wasn’t feeling confident that I could understand the material being taught to me. I just wasn’t sure of anything and that left me sad and scared. I was talking to God throughout the day as usual, but it was more me going to him whining.  As I was heading in to one of my classes I overheard a phone conversation that said, “Let me pray with you.” This stopped me in my tracks. I looked over and saw a young guy maybe in his twenties, head bowed, and eyes closed, praying for his friend over the phone. I know this doesn’t seem like much but it was smack dab in the center of the busy chaos of a college campus. College kids his age were scurrying by to their next class and he was right in the middle of traffic stopped and praying!! This was exactly what I needed.  God reminded me right then that He was there. He was in that school with me. He was walking through the madness by my side. I saw a picture of what it looks like when I stop looking at the commotion and instead look at Him. At the core of the hustle and shuffle of school one kid bowed his head and light emanated from it. He showed me Gods presence.

Sometimes in the chaos it’s easy to get your focus off center. It happens fast; then all you see is the disorder.  I forgot that my eyes need to be on the Lord. I forgot that I can do ALL things through Jesus Christ. (Phil 4:13) I didn’t remember that He goes before all of my days and has His hand is upon me. (Psalm 139:5) I lost sight of my focal point and this student who didn’t lose his, was able to remind me. Praise the Lord. God is everywhere. His blessings are surrounding us. We need only to look for them; we need to look for Him.

Lord,

Thank you for showing me yourself. Thank you lord for loving someone like me who’s so forgetful. I can get carried away and take my eyes off of you but you always bring me back.  Thank you for being there with me.  You walk with me through all situations even when they seem so out of control. God you are my everything. Help me Father to keep my focal point. Help me to run to you, to see you, and to draw my strength from you. Thank you lord for your faithful servant who was willing to pray that day and remind me. Bless that person God for shining your light. I love you Lord.

In your Son’s Holy name,

Amen.

The Vision

Hurt. There is so much grief around me right now sometimes it gets difficult. It’s a storm for many people. It is not just a little rainstorm but a down pour; one that is truly taking people’s lives.  This has been very challenging to watch. I hate seeing people I love hurting.  Circumstances lately have cut me to the core. So much so, I don’t know how to pray about it. Praise God that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us.

I was crying before the Lord one day when He showed me a vision; I was in a place like the Antarctic. It was icy everywhere and my friends and close families were standing on the ice and it was breaking and dropping them into the freezing water. I cried out saying “Help, Lord I don’t feel safe!” God heard my cries and showed me that although I thought I was standing on the ice as well, I was actually standing on Rock. He told me that I was safe because my foundation was built on him and that I was to pull people out of the water and bring them up onto the Rock; Jesus of course.  Matthew 7 tells us that a man who builds on the rock will be the only ones standing when the storm comes.  He showed me that the ONLY FOUNDATION THAT WILL STAND IS HIM. That’s it. Sadly, it’s easy to build foundations on things we think will hold us, our job, our spouse, ect. But everything except Jesus can fall.  He also showed me that I have to make sure I am grounded with Jesus to be any help to anyone. If I am also standing on ice it does no good to grab someone just to take them down with me.  I have to have Him as a firm foundation.

This storm has brought up hurt and fear in me but God has reminded me where I stand. He loves me so much and as long as I cling to him, my foundation won’t crumble.  The circumstances haven’t gotten any better. In some cases probably worse but I am going to keep grabbing people and pulling them onto the Rock, pointing them to Jesus!